I don't even remember how this came to be, but starting from I'm-not-even-sure how long ago, I had been afraid to shine. Or rather, more specifically, I had been afraid to step under the spotlight and realize that there's just no spark in me. The greatest compliment I have ever received was in my junior high years, when my speech coach told me that I was the kind of speaker who just lights up the room whenever I get up on stage. I had a confidence back then that has been long lost. I'm not sure where it has gone, but the more spotlights I've been under, the more drained I felt, and the less confident I was about outshining the scorching spotlight that was burning into me.
It's been a while since I last did a presentation in English. I did a few when I was on exchange, but then most of my classmates weren't native English speakers, most of them were taking Englsih classes while they were on exchange. And then of course the key words here being that I was on exchange, so impressing the teachers or the classmates had never been that big of an issue. I can't remember starting from when, I have become this petty, cowardly person that stopped taking initiatives and stopped jumping on board at the very first sign of a good challenge. I used to thrive under intense pressure. I used to pride myself in being a conquerer of the impossible. I used to be brave, and I used to try.
And then I got comfortable.
I have once again successfully made my way up to the next level in the major leagues, and for once I begin to question my passiveness. For once, I was determined to put a face on my fear and stare it down. An opportunity has presented itself, and it was a moment of truth: I could kick my ass out of the comfort zone and prove to myself that I was still that speaker who could outshine her spotlights, or I could continue staying rooted in my rut, play it safe, and be mediocre.
It was only a 10 minute class presentation. It wasn't a big deal, it probably wasn't even graded, but I made myself step up and volunteer, I made it a big deal, I saw it as my ticket to take flight, not to impress anyone, but so I can regain respect for myself.
Today was my American debút, and I rocked the house. Today I shined with no fear, and I was that speaker my speech coach had always believed me to be. Today I got back on track.
留言列表
